An Existential Understanding of People and Distress

We all begin life by being 'thrown' into the world seemingly at random. We don't decide where or when we are born, who our parents or caregivers will be, the language we first learn, and so on. From our very first moments, our interactions with culture, people, objects, and everything else around us begin to shape who we are. But this isn't a totally passive process. We interpret the world and our place in it, coming to our own conclusions, developing our own understanding.

Central to our human experience is the need for meaning. Everything we encounter — whether it's people, objects, ideas, or physical sensations — must hold significance. It seems that we are intensely averse to the absence of meaning, as if we are allergic to the vacuum it creates. Even a meaning that is disturbing, or unpleasant, or does us harm is always found in preference to a vacuum. Even deciding something is unimportant still involves tagging it with the meaning ‘not important’.

While we are all unique individuals, our individuality is intricately defined by our relationships with others and the world around us. Even in isolation, our actions are often driven by how we relate to others, whether we're seeking to avoid them or to engage with them. In this way, others play a significant role in shaping our thoughts, feelings, and choices, even when we might think we're acting alone.

Life is fraught with uncertainties. We rely on our ability to interpret to build a ‘good enough’ rough understanding of the world and anticipate what might happen next. Much of our distress stems from these interpretations — whether they clash with reality, are too rigid, or are disturbingly accurate. When our interpretations fail us, we may find ourselves surprised, frightened, or challenged in ways that disrupt our beliefs and sense of security. On the other hand, when our interpretations align too closely with chaotic reality, we may struggle to find meaning in the confusion. Inevitably, this uncertainty breeds anxiety, as we cannot escape the fact that our interpretations are often imperfect.

Re-tuning our understanding of the world can help us cope with anxiety, find meaning, and even alleviate sadness and depression. This doesn’t mean that the real world isn’t challenging or that our struggles are purely in our heads. Rather, it suggests that by exploring our beliefs, feelings, and experiences, we can discover different ways of understanding and being. This exploration can empower us to face challenges with greater resilience and live richer, more fulfilling lives.

One powerful way to embark on this journey of exploration is through therapy. Working with a therapist provides a space to delve into our experiences, challenge our interpretations, and find new paths forward. Through this process, we can reshape our understanding, become more able to face our challenges, and move towards a life of richer meaning and purpose.

What to Expect From Working with Me: A Personal Introduction by Matthew

From the very first moment we meet, you can trust that everything we discuss will remain strictly confidential. My commitment is to treat you with the utmost respect, giving you the space to be truly heard and understood. Equally important, I’ll encourage you to listen to and understand yourself more deeply.

As an existential-phenomenological therapist, my approach isn’t about treating your distress or challenges as medical issues. Instead, my focus is on meeting you, person-to-person, and helping you make sense of your experiences on your own terms. I won’t jump to conclusions or pass judgment — my role is to see the world from your perspective and help you gain a clearer understanding of it, too.

By developing this understanding together, you’ll begin to notice the contradictions, pain points, patterns, and quirks in how you relate to yourself, the people in your life, and the world around you. This insight can open the door to exploring new perspectives and ways of being and approaching things. You might discover options you never considered before or find that possibilities you had dismissed now seem within reach. Alternatively, you may decide that the path you’re currently on is the right one, but with a renewed sense of purpose and confidence.

What we discuss in any given session will be up to you; you might want to talk about something that’s happened in between sessions, what’s happening in our therapeutic relationship, or pick up threads from previous sessions, for example. For my part, I bring to the relationship a method for exploring and examining what you choose to discuss in therapy and my openness to you and your world.

If you’d like to have a free, confidential consultation with Matthew to see if he’s the right person to begin your exploration with, you can book here.